So here it's Friday and I've blown the whole week to shit, again. Trained hard every day, to the point where just about everything hurts...but we're back to the no sleep routine and truly, I have spent this week in survival mode. Nobody's eating that well, the house looks like it's been bombed, I come home from work every day and have zero energy to play with Sarah until Shannon gets home...and I tell ya, I am absolutely swimming in mommy-guilt because I'm back to being the grumpy old over-tired mom again. I'm even beginning to wonder if I'm bi-polar or something, because last week I was so happy! Oh wait, last week I got sleep. Never mind. At any rate, I have been feeling horrid on lots of levels and the emotional eating is really out of control.

So here is the question: when my fortitude and resolve are down to zero, how do I not mess up the plan? 'Cause really, I'm getting pretty sick of feeling this helpless. It makes me angry.

As far as I can see, I have a few options open to me in my quest to drop this last 30lbs (okay, 35 - who do I think I'm kidding here?). They are:

1. Go back to Weight Watchers or some sort of other weight-loss program. Pro: more support.
Con: do I really need to spend money on a program? I know what it takes. I just have to DO it.
Con: I don't believe in counting calories or points or whatever - that worked for me once but it's not a sustainable habit, therefore it's not a long-term solution.
Con: I have NO time to do anything for myself right now - NONE.

That was depressing. It's true; lots of people say that they have no time and my typical response is: "Bullshit! You have to MAKE time if it's important to you." But really, Joel's and my schedule is packed so tight right now that there really isn't time for me to start another project that's going to involve scheduled meetings. And like I said before, I know about weight loss and nutrition; I don't need to be spoon-fed information on how to read nutrition labels. Which then leads me to...

2. Do my best, keep working out and training hard, try to stick to the program and accept the occasional spill as inevitable. Pro: What could be better? Con: Spills lately are more than occasional; they are crippling my efforts on the good days.

3. Give up and get fat. This would include quitting my job since I can't get fat and out of shape (well, any more than I already am) and call myself a trainer in good conscience.
Actually, you know what? Let's strike #3 off the list; it is NOT an option.

So where does that leave me? I guess it means that I need to get more sleep, one way or another. Maybe if I go to bed right now, it will seem better in the morning.